Motherfuckers lyrics

"I Wanna Be A Cop... So I Can Fuck You Up" 7"
"The Mother Of All Fuckers" CD
"Classless Society" CD
"If It Ain't Puke, It Ain't Punk" CD ep
Other stuff - Unreleased, Unrecorded, or Completely Forgotten














I WANNA BE A COP... SO I CAN FUCK YOU UP

I Wanna Be A Cop... So I Can Fuck You Up

Got picked on in high school, passed up for the football team
Got a tiny dick and I can't get laid, but at least I've got a dream
Gonna hide my inadequacies behind a nightstick and a gun
I'll ride shotgun in a cop car, and I'll beat you up for fun
No one's gonna fuck with me, not once I've got my shield
I'm making up for years of abuse, so you'd better fuckin' yield

'Cuz I wanna be a cop.. So I can fuck you up!

Once I've got all that power, I'll do what I please
Abuse you and beat you, get you down on your knees
I'm as lawless as the rest, yeah, justice don't mean shit
once I am the law I don't have to follow it
It's your word against mine, punk, so what'chou gonna do?
'Cuz I'm an upstanding citizen, not gutter trash like you

'Cuz I wanna be a cop... So I can fuck you up!

So hippies, punks and homeless bums, you'd better run & hide
Or I'll throw you in my wagon, and we'll all go for a ride
These years of work and training, they'll all be worthwhile
I'll have status and distinction, rise above the rank n' file
Kids may still scoff at me, but I'll come out on top
I'll just kick your ass, son, I can do that, I'm a cop

'Cuz I wanna be a cop... So I can fuck you up!

Living in Fear

It seems like the whole world's living in fear
Waiting for the next new threat to appear
There's a terrorist waiting on every plane
Travel overseas? Do you think I'm insane?
'Cuz it's war over there, all the time
But at home still gotta worry about the drugs and the crime

Chorus
'Cuz they've got the whole world living in fear
Trying to tell us all that the end is near
Like Chuck D said, "Don't Believe The Hype"
Don't let 'em scare you out of living your life

The TV says my neighborhood's unsafe
But the crackheads make me chuckle and I love this place
The homeless are scaring off the tourist trade
Gotta round 'em all up before the stampede parade
Now they're arming transit cops, so keep your feet off the seat
I'm more afraid of them than the gangs on the street

Chorus

Just when I think things might be alright
Another security crisis comes to the light
Looting through trash is the hot new crime
Identity theft? Shit, you're welcome to mine
Why you would want it is a bit of a mystery
For a mountain of debt and a criminal history

Chorus

Fish Fucking

You can drag my ass to water, but you'll never make me drink
Say anything you want, it won't change the way I think
You can drag my ass to water, but it's not the draught for me
You won't get water past my lips 'til I no longer breath

Chorus
Old Mr. Fields hit the truth, a fine philosphy
A truth I learned while still below my father's knee
Never drink a glass of water, not even a little suck
'Cuz water is the place where the little fishies fuck

A man who hates dogs and kids is a prince among the crowd
So sing his praise along with us, be sure to sing it loud
Raise your drunken voices, in hell your voice he'll hear
Raise your drunken voices as you raise your thirteenth beer

Never cast a hook or lure into the river or the creek
If you really wanna even the score, give 'em a little leak
A golden shower is revenge for the crimes they will commit
And if you can't work up a squirt, turn around and give 'em shit

Chorus

Can't Slow Down

Ever since I was young I've been on the go
Always in a hurry, can't do nothing slow
People always wonder what's wrong with me?
Is it just too much sugar or A.D.D.?
Onstage or at work it's the same damn thing
Can't slow down, I've gotta keep moving

Chorus
I can't slow down, I'm moving too fast
Living every day like it's my last
I'm starting to wonder how long I'll survive
Will I die of old age at 35?

At the bar all night, raging outta control
Then I'm up at six and I'm ready to roll
My girl's getting mad, still trying to sleep
But the day's slipping by, gotta get on my feet
Call up the bros, no one answers the phone
I'll just have a Red Bull, go skating alone

Chorus

I try to relax, have a quiet night
But I can't sit still, nothing feels right
Don't wanna read a book or watch TV
Attention span zero, why can't you see?
Bouncing off the walls and out the door
Can't slow down, can't take it no more

Chorus

Kill My Boss

I punch the clock at 6 AM for another shift in hell
I wish I could take solace in the fact I'm living well
But the pittance that they give me just barely pays the bills
I wanna drop it all and just go running for the hills

And I think I'm gonna kill my boss today

Begging for a raise to stay above the poverty line
Spend every waking minute here, just wasting all my time
This place is like a nightmare, the troubles never stop
And the heartless sons of bitches wanna work me 'til I drop

And I think I'm gonna kill my boss today

So many lies, so much abuse, can't take it any more
All I do is fantasize about walking out that door
Endless pain and suffering, like a rat stuck in a trap
One more day inside these walls, I know I'm gonna snap

And I think I'm gonna kill my boss today

Get Off The Stage

My band won't even let me on stage no more
'Cuz I step on their pedals and tangle their cords
"Get off the stage, Izzo" is what they say
But it's not my fault they get in my way
Knocked Roger's bass out of tune once more
Spilled Hunter's beer all over the floor
I'm just having fun, quit acting like dicks
Knocked down a cymbal, now I'm dodging sticks

Chorus
"Fuck you, Izzo, Get off the stage!"
The whole band's screaming in a goddamn rage
"Fuck you, Izzo, Get off the stage!"
Get off the stage, just get off the stage

Down on the floor it's still the same
But now the whole crowd is cursing my name
Treading on feet, sorry 'bout them toes
But who wears sandals to a punk rock show?
Like a snake in the grass, my cord snares 'em all
Tumbling like dominoes, watch 'em fall
All-ages shows? Boy, don't sleep
Mixing boards tumble while soundmen weep

Chorus

Back to top

THE MOTHER OF ALL FUCKERS

Too Dumb To Live

I see you standing there with your staring vacant eyes
Reving up your mouth to fire another round of lies
The systems are all running but there's no one at the helm
Your stupidity's so perfect, I'm almost overwhelmed

Chorus
Talk, Talk, Talk - You never stop to think
No one wants to listen - go have another drink
Take, Take, Take - You've got nothing to give
I don't know why you're still here,' cuz you're too dumb to live

Your opinions are predictable, your lifestyle apathetic
Did you choose to be this stupid, or could it be genetic?
Nature versus nurture, a tough one to decide
How could you have so little sense yet be so full of pride?

Chorus

You talk about books that you've never read
You drop the names of people who'd sooner see you dead
You never stop to listen, you already know it all
Too dense to realize that you're just screaming at a wall

Chorus

Lost

When I was younger I couldn't see so plain
How much someone could want to end all their pain
Now that I'm older, how could I be so naive?
Another lesson I had to learn while learning how to grieve

Chorus
It's so hard to laugh and so easy to cry
But nothing's as hard as saying goodbye
Out in the dark might be your chance at flight
But once you've flown you can't come back to the light

Now time has passed and the scars start to fade
I still can't forgive the decision that you made
Maybe it's better that my head's out of the sand
But I'd rather be ignorant, stil have you in the band

Chorus
The laughing is easier, the crying is rare
It's just how you'd want us to show that we care
We gather together, we play to remember
This song and others for our dear departed member

Chorus

Just Punk Rock

Loud and fast distorted guitars
Walls of sound in smokey bars
Got three chords, didn't know there were more
Solos & leads on the cutting room floor
If it's over two minutes it's too fucking long
If the kids aren't dancing, you're doing it wrong
No frills added, just fast & loose
Musical homicide, tighten the noose

Chorus
We haven't matured and we haven't grown up
Call it cliche, I don't give a fuck
Not in it for the stardom, fortune or fame
Being a hero was never my aim
Trends come and go but it doesn't change shit
This music's my life, I'm still living for it
We may be getting older but we ain't gonna stop
Don't care about the labels, it's just punk rock

Hardcore, emo, means nothing to me
I'm not trying to change society
Fashions and factions dividing us all
Just here for the music, the thrill of it all
Punks versus skins, leave me out of your wars
Leave your scene bullshit at the door
I'm Here for the music, not the fashion show
It's just punk rock but it's all I know

Chorus

E.M.O.

Gillette tests cologne on baby seals
But that's not why we wrote this song
The state denied my legal appeal
But that's not why we wrote this song

E.M.O.

Homophobes are latent fags
But that's not why we wrote this song
Children are sporting burlap bags
But that's not why we wrote this song

E.M.O.

Smokers like me pollute the air
But that's not why we wrote this song
While women work for pay unfair
But that's not why we wrote this song

(funky breakdown)

We wrote this song because...

Jerk-Around Queen

One more night spent waiting for the phone to ring
Another dangling threat to which I'm gonna cling
What a big surprise, you stood me up again
Jerk-around Queen, this has gotta end

I'm trying to get a message through to you
I'm at wits' end and I don't know what to do
Keep ignoring all my telephone calls
And all you wanna do is break my balls

Put my trust in you, that trust you will betray
I want no part in the games you play
Run away from all the things you say and do
Jerk-around Queen, better grab a clue

I'm trying to get a message through to you
But you're so wrapped up in the stupid shit you do
Everything you said you then proved false
And all you wanna do is break my balls

I know I made my feelings clear enough
If you don't understand, babe, that's just tough
Down your face the tears are gonna flow
Jerk-around Queen, time for you to go

Cuz I'm sick of trying to get a message through
You fucked it all up there's nothing I could do
Hide behind your emotional walls
Jerk-around Queen, too bad you've got no balls

I'm Gonna Go Postal

Another hellish day at work, don't gimme that all-knowing smirk
Tension building up all week, don't dig for my mean streak
Pressure coming from all sides, but I won't run away and hide
This time I'm gonna let 'em know, there's gonna be a fuckin' show

Chorus
I'm gonna go postal
Scream and yell and shout
I'm gonna go postal
Gonna rip yer eyes right out
I'm gonna go postal
Better get out of my way
I'm gonna go postal
And it ain't yer lucky day

Another hellish day at work, don't gimme that all-knowing smirk
Tension building up all week, don't dig for my mean streak
No more Mr. Nice Guy, this time someone's gonna die
Won't stay calm and altruistic, this time I'm gonna go ballistic

Chorus

Bomb the Stampede

July rolls around with the same old shit
City floods with cowboy poseurs and I'm sick of it
With their ten gallon hats and their bolo ties
Wish they'd all just fuck off and die

Chorus
Bomb the Stampede, burn 'em all
Cowboy boots & fake southern drawl
Line 'em up against the wall
Bomb the Stampede

Redneck assholes yelling "nice hair, freak"
But you'll be gone by the end of the week
"Howdy pardner", suck my dick
Phony cowboy bullshit just makes me sick

Chorus

Grenade in my hand & a smile on my lips
Death to all you inbred hicks
No remorse, just like a video game
Laughing as you all go down in flames

Chorus

Designated Drinker

Standing in a smokey bar, can't hear a fucking word
Fucker holding up the bar, Hey pal we fucking heard
So shut your fucking useless trap you dumbass piece of shit
Your mama didn't give you a liver so you could act like a fucking git

In every bar, in every town, every single day
I see the useless fucks, and listen to them bray
After an hour or so, one truth I can derive
Learn to fucking drink or shut up and fucking drive

Go to a fucking all-ages show, watch the two-year-olds get hammed
Get a high little breathing the vodka they just slammed
Thought I don't wanna preach, I'm a little bit disturbed
Your mama didn't give you a liver so you could pass out on the curb

In every hall in every town, every single day
Two-year-olds a-drinking, and getting in my way
Fuckin' gotta take the booze, you've gotta take a stand
You're not designated drinkers, or you'd be in this band!

Let's Talk About Turkey

She drives me 'round the bend, I'm going out of my mind
The bitching that she does in her nasal fucking whine
I'd kill everyone here for an hour's worth of peace
At least that way I'd get some sort of release
One of these days, I'll go on a killing spree
But that's enough about my girl, let's talk about Turkey

Chorus
No camoflage,no shotgun, no wandering near or far
The turkey that I'm hunting is right behind the bar
Jimmy Beam, Jack Daniels, Old Grandad may be fine
But Wild Turkey is my favorite, my favorite for all time

If I never hear "it's time to take out the trash"
It can't happen too soon or I'm gonna do something rash
I wish she would just shut up, and lay upon her back
At least my nads would believe everything's on track
One of these days, I'll go on a killing spree
But that's enough about my wife, let's talk about Turkey

Chorus

The little rats are bouncing on their fucking beds
I can't take much more of this, I'm going out of my head
I never should have sired them, I knew I'd rue the day
It's just another time that my wife got her own way
One of these days, I'll go on a killing spree
But that's enough about my kids, let's talk about turkey

Winner's Circle

Forget about Daytona, and the white trash in the stands
Forget about the brickyard, that just ain't in the plans
The race we're gonna have, don't need no road to run
The race we're gonna have, is more like my idea of fun

Chorus
Another race has just been run
And like every other race, I won
So tonight you'll be sleeping in the slick
I don't know why you even try
You can't win, the reason why?
Your engine ain't connected to a dick

Forget the Tour de France, and the postie with no glands
Forget about Paris-Dakar, there ain't no rally in the plans
The race we're gonna have, doesn't need no road to run
The race we're gonna have, is more like my idea of fun

Chorus

And if by chance you tweak your engine to beat mine
The glory will be short lived, 'cause I'm ready for that time
Just take yourself a victory lap, while I finish in second slot
But tonight the winners circle, is that same old cold wet spot





Back to top

CLASSLESS SOCIETY

Classless Society

If I ever held a door open, it was to stare at some girl's ass
I know it's kinda creepy, but I've never laid claim to class
And if I pick up the check, it's probably to dine and dash
And if I look like I care, it's probably some kind of rash

Chorus
'Cuz this is the wonder of our classless society
If you wanna have no class like us just ditch sobriety

I've never helped old ladies who were trying to cross the street
Unless it was their grocery day and I wanted something to eat
Sitting at the dinner table, if a burp my lips should pass
Just thank your lucky stars that I didn't belch out my ass

Chorus

Drifting off with my head in your lap, thinking you're the fool
Should've laid a towel down, or something to catch the drool
Waking up with bladder full after sleeping for a bit
Better secure the toilet seat, when I piss I don't need to sit

Chorus

God Pissed in my Beer

Hey it's eleven before ya know it, and it's time for the show to end
We'll go grab a bag o' brew and on the park we will descend
We'll drink until we pass out, there ain't no better way
But when I wake up tomorrow, my pastey mouth will say

Chorus

When I passed out, I had my last beer in hand
It was half-full, and I just don't understand
Why now it's full and warm, and the color is too clear
If I had to guess I'd say that GOD PISSED IN MY BEER

It's two and the bar is closing, there's no reason to be dismayed
We'll drink at this little place I know 'til our stomach linings are decayed
When I shuffle off this mortal coil I'll leave more than it deserved
I'll donate my liver to science, and the fucker will be pre-preserved

Chorus

She's the Only One

She's the only one who'll understand
She's the only one who can change my plans
She's the only one I wanna see
She's the only one who can complete me

Chorus
She's all I want
She's all I need
Hers is the name that I call out in my sleep
Never will I fear
Never shed a tear
As long as I can stay faithful to my beer

She's the only one for whom I've flipped
Don't care if you say I'm lager-whipped
She's the only one I think about
'Cuz beer's the only girl that looks good stout

Nervous Wreck

Living on coffee and power bars, adrenaline runs high
Lie awake in bed at night, think I'm gonna die
Trying to sit still at work, I tap a constant beat
Can't think, my brain's distracted by my ever-tapping feet

Chorus
My hands they shake, my legs convulse
My body's so tense, feel my racing pulse
Can't sit still, can't concentrate
I'm just a nervous wreck

You know I try to settle down, but it just don't feel right
Instead I roam the streets again, another sleepless night
Tried quaaludes, weed and sleeping pills, but nothing seems to help
I guess it's just the way I am, I'm just a nervous wreck

Chorus

Jittering, quivering, shaking, convulsing through the day
Call me the human vibrator, I like it fine this way
A volatile mixture - just waiting to explode
A bundle of nervous energy, it's all I've ever known

Chorus

Punk Like Skabby

Skabby Vermin, he's the king, punkest man in town
Cum-stained pants, filthy hair, the man can't bring him down
He's pissed in Steve & Lindsey's house, he's fucked a skinhead's wife
Don't try to take his beer away, he'd sooner give his life

Chorus
I wanna be punk like skabby
I wanna have that hair
I wanna be punk like Skabby
And I think I'm half way there

Didn't shower for two weeks, I still couldn't get the scent
Went to buy a police baton, but my money was all spent
Can't think of anyone in this world I would rather be
Wattie, Sid & Darby Crash, all bow to Skabby V

Chorus

Ordinary People

I see them every day, on the bus and in the street
Faceless human robots who I never wanna meet
They look at me and shake their heads, or quickly turn away
Or make some pointless comment, the highlight of their day

Chorus
Ordinary people - they make no sense to me
Live a world apart from me, I wish that they could see
Droning lies with vacant eyes and nothing in their heads
Blinding doing what they're told, so easily misled

Spewing arrogance and ignorance, it never seems to end
Spout answers to questions they don't even comprehend
You may say I'm anti-social, but I've got some self-respect
And mingling with the normals is a fate that's worse than death

Chorus

Enduring Freedom

Write your gangsta songs about repression in the hood
I wouldn't take that right away, not even if I could
But remember this little thing, it's all I'll ever ask
Just try to comport yourself with a little fuckin' class

'Cuz buddies of mine died face down in the sand, so you could assault my ears with your shitty hip-hop band

Write your 30-second songs about the evil corporate state
And in between your songs preach about everything you hate
Just remember this little thing, it's all I'll ever ask
You'll never change the system just by blaming the upper class

'Cuz buddies of mine died face down in the sand, so you could assault my ears with your shitty emo band

Just because we wrote this song, it doesn't really mean
We think we're any better, or that we're pristine
If you look close enough you'll see, we're our own worst enemy
But at least we see the forest, despite the fuckin' trees

'Cuz buddies of mine died face down in the sand, so we could assault your ears with our shitty punk rock band

Old No. 7

It's Friday night and I'm bored as sin
Don't want no beer, don't want no gin
Guess I'll just find some other way
Hey Mr. Daniels, can Jack come out to play?

Chorus
Oi Oi Oi Oi - Old No. 7
Smoke your drugs, drink your wine
I've got Jacky's turpentine
Oi Oi Oi Oi - Old No. 7
You say alchohol's a crutch, that's fair
Then Jacky's is my wheelchair

It's Saturday night and I'm a little irate
I think it must have been the food I ate
Gotta fix my guts, and I know the way
Hey Mr. Daniels, can Jack come out to play?

Chorus

Sunday afternoon and I'm still to gooned
Everything on t.v. looks a little cartooned
Need something to make it all go away
Hey Mr. Daniels, can Jack come out to play?

CHORUS

Pass By Me

If your idea of normal means a tie upon my chest
Beneath a suit of three pieces, no vomit on the vest
If that's your idea of normal - then fuck normality
If that's your idea of normal - then pass by me

I can't believe that your idea of normal seems to mean
That I can't walk around in semen-encrusted jeans

See you on the street, passing by me
There is nothing in your life that I would want for me
See you on the street, staring at me
Until you change that's the way I wanna be

If your idea of normal means giving up my way of life
Losing all those gathered here for some suburban wife
If that's your idea of normal - then fuck normality
If that's your idea of normal - then pass by me

I can't believe that your idea of normal seems to mean
That I can't walk around in semen-encrusted jeans

See you on the street, passing by me
There is nothing in your life that I would want for me
See you on the street, staring at me
Until you change that's the way I wanna be

If your idea of normal means I can never have a drink
Hand me that gin & tonic, I'll tell you what I think
If that's your idea of normal - then fuck normality
If that's your idea of normal - then pass by me

I can't believe that your idea of normal seems to mean
That I can't walk around in semen-encrusted jeans

See you on the street, passing by me
There is nothing in your life that I would want for me
See you on the street, staring at me
Until you change that's the way I wanna be

What About My Needs?

Why is it you think that I care what you say?
Why is it you think that I care what you do?
Why is it you think that I care if you fall?
Why do you pretend that you think at all?

Chorus
You've got no opinions, and if you do they just don't count
You keep blathering on, as the evidence against you mounts

Why is it you think that I care if you live?
Why is it you think that I care if you die?
Why is it you think that I care when you fall?
Why do you think that you matter at all?

Chorus

Spoken bit:
What about me, what about my needs, we can't all be in a punk band, don't marginalize my views man.
Shut up, shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up!

Back to top





IF IT AIN'T PUKE, IT AIN'T PUNK

Pissed in the Pit

Looping round and round we go, intestines in a whirl
Turn against my spinnin' head, my stomach wants to hurl
Rest my weary pogo sticks, and lay down for a bit
Swear this time will be the last I'm caught pissed in the Pit

Chorus
Elbows, shoulders, knees and hands, all begin to fly
I turned to wave you in, and got a chelsea in the eye
Elbows, shoulders, knees and hands, swung so bloody low
Pissed and pogoing in the pit, fuck no I'll never go

Looping round and round we go, my poor head starts to spin
I finally dance my way outside, and some banger throws me in
"Banger-boy" I scream at him, "you useless piece of shit"
"Tomorrow's Napalm Death, and you'll be the one pissed in the pit"

Chorus

A crash, a bang, a "stop right there", the cops come through the door
Make a line of plastic shields, then they head out on the floor
Pepper spray and billy clubs, they think they're such hot shit
"Have a drink, and dance it up, we want your weapons in our pit"

Rock Bottom

Bottle in my hand, sunglasses at night
Need another drink just to feel alright
Middle finger salute, looks like another fight
The world will be an ugly place when I see the morning light

Don't look at me, don't talk to me, I just wanna be alone
I know I've hit rock-bottom, but there's nowhere left to go

Puking in the corner, stroke my hair & hold my hand
Why I do this to myself I'll never understand
Got thrown out of the show, never got to see the band
Tried to work things out, but it never goes as planned

Don't look at me, don't talk to me, I just wanna be alone
I know I've hit rock-bottom, but there's nowhere left to go

Now I'm lying on the ground, abandoned, pissed & broke
Pull my head out of the gutter as I light another smoke
Told the world to fuck right off, cuz life's just one big joke
Nothing left to do now but drink until I choke

Don't look at me, don't talk to me, I just wanna be alone
I know I've hit rock-bottom, but there's nowhere left to go

Apathy and Boredom

Everyone I know is a pathetic fuckin' drunk
I can't make new friends, 'cuz I'm just a dirty punk
Girls think I'm ugly, I smell bad too
I know my life sucks, don't need to hear it from you

Chorus

I'll bitch & complain, day after day
Say I hate this town, but you know I'm here to stay
I'll get up in the morning, do it all again
Apathy and boredom, it's driving me insane

Slave through the day for this meagre fucking pay
Nothing to look forward to at the end of the day
Waste away the night in some smokey fucking bar
Then I gotta walk home, I can't afford a car

Chorus

I used to be so angry, always ready for a fight
Now I'm just a lazy slob, it doesn't feel right
One day ya know I'll pack my bags and I'll be outta here
But for now I'll just sit around, have another beer, and

Chorus

Ode to Beer

I think that I shall never hear
A poem lovelier than a beer
The foamy stuff they have on tap
With the golden base and the lovely snowy cap

chorus

Beer's so great - It lets me sublimate
Beer's so great - My need to hate

Though I try I'll always fail
To write as sweet as this here ale
With ethanol at 5.9
I'm too damn drunk to write this line

chorus

Anarchy in the Girl's Room

It's a friday night and the time is right, the kids wanna have some fun
Head down to the punk rock show, and the party's just begun
Gotta dodge those surly bouncers, but you know it's worth the risk
Once we get inside the girl's room, we're all gonna get pissed

Anarchy - In the girl's room

Pushing through a wall of smoke, and now we are inside
Karl's coming after us, we know we gotta hide
Thirty kids all packed inside, pounding 40s back
Anarchy in the girl's room - Ready to attack

Anarchy - In the girl's room

A Calgary punk tradition, the bathroom party reigns
Broken bottles, cigarette butts, overflowing drains
When the motherfuckers play, you better come and dance
But head back to the girl's room before you miss your chance

Anarchy - In the girl's room

From Carpenter's Union Hall to the Multicultural
A bathroom party you will find at every punk rock show
So don't even try to stop us, we can't be kept down
Anarchy in the girl's room, the coolest thing in town

Anarchy - In the girl's room

Back to top





Other stuff - Unreleased, Unrecorded, or Completely Forgotten

Old Enough To Know Better

The years go by, but things don't change
I'm older and balder but I'm still on stage
My folks still pray I'm gonna find a career
But I'm sad to say this is my life right here

'Cuz I'm old enough to know better, but I guess I'll never learn

I'm already drunk but the night is still young
I'll prob'ly pass out before I'm done
Still drinking like I did when I was a kid
Should've learned my lesson but I never did

'Cuz I'm old enough to know better, but I guess I'll never learn

You're too young for me, it's easy to see
But given the chance I'll take you home with me
I know the kinda trouble girls get me in
But I'll take that chance for a night of sin

'Cuz I'm old enough to know better, but I guess I'll never learn

I still walk the streets dressed like a clown
I don't care how many times I get beat down
You're not the first and you won't be the last
I may not have sense, but I'm built to last

'Cuz I'm old enough to know better, but I guess I'll never learn

Herd Mentality

Fortune favors the bold, so I guess logically
What fortune don't favor is your herd mentality
Keep your head down, keep shuffling along
Makes it easier to pretend that nothing is wrong

Chorus
Keep fooling yourself that everything's just fine
Ignoring the evidence, misreading the signs
The optimist in you says this is the best of all times
The pessimist in me fears you're right

You're taking no chances, stuck on the same path
That others before you cut through this morass
This morass we call life, you squander each day
Following a follower, neither knows the right way

Chorus

Keep telling yourself that fortune favors the herd
I'm losing my patience, not another fucking word
Keep your head down, keep shuffling along
As much as I can do for you I've done in this song

Chorus

Start Your Own Band (And Shut The Fuck Up)

It's been ten years in the same shitty band
"Thinking Man's Drunk Punk" ain't such a plan
Playing in front of loser's who've got no taste
Shouting requests for all the songs we hate
I've got a solution, one you might not wanna hear
I'm about to explain, so put down your fucking beer

Chorus
Punk Like Skabby, One-Man Death Machine
Just coins we threw in a beggar's cup
If those are the songs about which you dream
Start your own band... And Shut The Fuck Up!

For all the times we've asked young Captain Jack
To stop making requests, and cut us a little slack
Just encourages kids from the early days
To harass us on stage, take a few steps back
I've got a solution, Captain Jack won't be too glad
But the Captain's gotta listen to our brand new fad

Chorus

You might think that this seems a little crass
But it's different when the crowd is on your ass
Shouting for songs you wish you'd never wrote
Songs you wrote while drink or while smoking grass
I've got a solution and you might not think it's fair
But if these songs you want this is your only prayer

Chorus

One-Man Death Machine

Had a dream last night, I was walkin' down the street
Gun in my hand, the world dead at my feet
Got sick of them all, makin' my life hell
Gonna reap my vengeance, time those bastards fell

One-Man Death Machine - On a killing spree

Gonna go out big, gonna go out loud
I know I'll make Charles Whitman proud
When I grab my guns and hit the town
Put all those fuckers in the ground

One-Man Death Machine - On a killing spree

Sick of all the cops, and their stupid laws
Sick of all the rednecks, and their gaping jaws
Sick of all the jocks just tryin' to pick a fight
Gonna send them all to hell... TONIGHT

One-Man Death Machine - On a killing spree

There's no point going on, why face another day
At least I'll die knowing that I had my way
Now I've burned it all down in a blaze of glory
But there's no one left to tell the story

One-Man Death Machine - On a killing spree

Gin n' Tonic Fantasy

I donít need no fancy girlfriends, with their glamour and their lies
Donít need no rock star fantasies crumbliní right before my eyes
Just gimme gin & tonic, and a pack of lucky strikes
And Iíll rock ní roll forever in my private paradise

Yeah gimme gin & tonic, and a pack of lucky strikes
Gimme gin & tonic, and Iíll rock ní roll all night
Just G&T and Lucky Strikes, yeah thatís all that I need
Iíll smoke and drink my heartsí content for all eternity

I donít wanna make a million, I donít wanna be a star
Liviní in a mansion, driviní some fancy car
You may say Iíve lost ambition, you may say Iíve given up
But Iíve still got my hopes and dreams, and baby thatís enough

Yeah gimme gin & tonic, and a pack of lucky strikes
Gimme gin & tonic, and Iíll rock ní roll all night
Just G&T and Lucky Strikes, yeah thatís all that I need
Iíll smoke and drink my heartsí content for all eternity

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